Worth Saving Read online

  I was seconds away from a dream come true, all those sleepless nights, tossing and turning, obsessing about this moment and finally it would happen. I couldn’t think about anything but taking us to the next level. My hands roamed to Claire’s jeans trying to fumble them open. Her moan vibrated through my body and assured me to continue.

  My heart raced at the speed of light and I was pretty sure I’d burst into flames at any moment. Instinct had taken over and I’d lost all awareness outside of the beautiful girl next to me. I thought for sure everything was okay when Claire’s entire body go stiff as a board as she froze in place. I thought for sure I’d done something wrong; maybe hurt her somehow. A sound on the street burned its way into my conscious. I wondered if the noise had been what caused Claire to stop me.

  Claire pushed me away and scrambled to her feet looking out the window. Her face immediately lost its flush, turning white and her hands stopped trying to re-button her pants. She nodded her head towards the window, wanting me to look. It was difficult if not impossible to look away from her. The noise happened again and I looked out the window.

  Our favorite mountain lion was dragging a small calf up the street. The calf’s neck held in his jaws. The tawny cat walked backwards dragging about forty pounds of veil.

  “It must be taking it back to its young,” I whispered. Meaning it was a she vice him.

  “I didn’t know there were cows around here, they must be down by the river park,” she said.

  We stood there and watched the cat with her kill. I felt the tension start again as I thought about what had almost happened between Claire and me. I knew she was thinking about it too. I knew what I wanted. I also knew that this wasn’t the right time, nor the right place.

  I stepped behind her, pulling her to me in a tight hug as I started to nuzzle her neck, but stopped myself. “Claire, about earlier.” I felt her tense, her shoulders hunching expecting a blow. “I think we should wait, at least until we’re more settled. I mean … you know what I mean.” I stammered. I’d absolutely no Idea what I was talking about and already regretted what I’d said. I felt her relax and turn in my arms to face me.

  “You… thank you,” she said, reaching up to kiss my chin, laying her head on my chest.

  I felt like I’d made the dumbest mistake of my life. My body was on fire and ached with desire. We sat back down and studied the gas station. Neither of us talking, it didn’t feel uncomfortable. Something had changed between us. I put my arm around her and she settled her head on my shoulder.

  .o0o.

  The morning sun had started to color the sky when the station door opened and our visitor stepped out. I couldn’t see a gun, the worry at the back of my mind let go a little. I thought he would have it out and ready if he had one. I woke up Claire with a kiss to her forehead and told her to get ready.

  “This is nice,” she said smiling and snuggling in closer.

  “Come on, he’s leaving,” I said, jumping up and gathering our weapons and packs, being careful not to show myself in the window.

  The man looked around the neighborhood then started walking towards our home. He wore a black windbreaker, jeans and had a large pack on his shoulders. The type back country campers used. He didn’t have a bow or a spear, just a hunting knife on his hip. The way he walked down the middle of the street, focused on his destination, he obviously had no idea the kind of place he was in. Everything about this guy screamed ‘outsider’.

  We followed for several blocks, hanging well back, using cars and doorways to hide behind. The man didn’t seem to be concerned about being followed or anything for that matter. About three blocks from the library, the man suddenly slipped into an apartment building. It was a gray, granite faced building, only eight floors high.

  Claire and I looked at each other, what now we wondered. We held back, I knew that Claire wanted to follow him in but I wasn’t so sure. We watched the building for a few minutes. I pointed to the corner of the roof where the man had appeared and was staring at our library with a pair of large binoculars.

  “Come on,” I said, running across the street and into the building while he was focused on our home. Making our way up through the dark stairwell we stopped at the roof door to catch our breath before I slowly opened the door. My left hand held the bow and a notched arrow, ready to go if necessary. Claire gripped her spear and followed me.

  The roof was the same as most of the others in the area. Covered in asphalt tiles, air condition and heating units sprinkled around. A useless elevator building stood in the center. The man stood in the corner looking at our home. The thought stirred my blood, how long had he been watching us? The idea that this man had spied on us, invading our privacy made me pissed. I was done being careful.

  I got within about thirty feet and brought the arrow back to my ear. Claire stood next to me, her spear raised and ready.

  “FREEZE,” I yelled. “Don’t move or I’ll kill you, and you won’t be the first,” I added.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The man froze in place, slowly raising his hands over his head.

  “Turn around. Claire, check him for weapons,” I said. Claire approached, being careful not to come between me and my target. She relieved him of the binoculars and the knife at his belt. The man didn’t say anything, keeping his eyes focused on me and my bow.

  “He’s clean,” Claire said when she was done patting him down. I kept my arrow pointed directly at his heart and didn’t lower it until Claire was well away. I was able to relax a little once she’d rejoined me. I released the tension in my bow string but kept it gripped in my right hand.

  “What do you want, why are you spying on us,” Claire asked, ever impatient.

  The man shook his head and pointed to his throat. I brought my bow back up and told him to answer her questions. Again the man gestured to his throat and mouth, making like he couldn’t talk. I took a few steps closer. The man waited until I got close enough then opened his mouth.

  Damn, he didn’t have a tongue. It looked like a piece a gristle where his tongue should be. White and scarred. I shuddered when I thought about having my tongue cut out of my mouth. It made me want to vomit.

  The man saw my reaction and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “What you going to do?”

  I didn’t know what to do. “Are you from Big Jake’s compound?”

  The man nodded his head and held up a hand and pointed at his shirt pocket, asking permission to retrieve something.

  I nodded, gripping the bow harder, ready to bring it up in necessary.

  He pulled out a small notebook and pencil, flipped it open and started writing. He showed me when he finished –I CAME TO WARN YOU- was written in a bold letters. Seeing our confusion, he started writing again. –BIG JAKE IS COMING, HE WANTS THE LITTLE GIRL-

  “Ellen? Why?” Claire demanded.

  He shrugged his shoulders, looking back and forth to each of us then started writing again.

  -I ESCAPED AFTER THEY DID THIS- HEARD ABOUT YOU GUYS AND BIG JAKE WANTING THE WOMEN- ESPECIALLY THE GIRL- WARN YOU THEN HEAD OUT-ABOUT 2 WEEKS AWAY- He showed us his book, indicating his mouth.

  I looked at him, trying to figure out if he was lying. If he’d been sent to attack us he would have been better armed. If he was a spy I didn’t want him seeing our setup. It was bad enough that he knew where we were. No reason for more.

  “OK, we’ve been warned. If you’re who you say you are, then thanks. We don’t want you spying on us anymore. It’s best if you move on.

  He looked sort of dejected, but nodded his head in understanding.

  Writing again, he showed us –NOT SPYING, MAKING SURE YOU WHO I’M LOOKING FOR – DO YOU HAVE ANY FOOD? He looked at us hopefully.

  “Claire, please go get us some food and meet us down below, out front.

  Claire looked at the man, evaluating what she’d read then turned and ran down the stairs. I indicated with my bow for the man to follow. I wasn’t too sure of the situation and figur
ed it was better to be safe than sorry.

  We waited out front for half hour before Claire and Hector showed up with a pack full of food.

  The Man nodded his head in thanks and then wrote – BE CAREFUL – GET AWAY WHILE YOU CAN – JAKE A MEAN S.O.B

  “Thanks, we’ll think about it,” I said as I pointed towards the road that’d lead him out of town.

  “Maybe we should have invited him to join us,” Hector said after the man had walked away. I stood there watching the man disappear, thinking about what Hector had said. Did the man want to stay? It didn’t really matter because there was no way I was letting someone from the compound into our home.

  “Let’s get everyone together,” I said and started walking towards home.

  .o0o.

  Susan had made breakfast, including scrambled eggs from Jenny’s chickens. Everyone was upset about what the man had told Claire and me. They gathered around the dinner table. Everyone was nervous and then Ellen hit the nail on the head.

  “Why does he want me?” She asked.

  “We don’t know honey, it doesn’t make sense,” Claire said.

  “Why do they want the other girls? Those men were trying to take Susan,” Ellen asked. I looked at Claire, here face turned white and her fingers clasped and opened around her water glass. Ellen looked around the room at each of us, waiting for an answer.

  Taking a deep breath, Claire said “Because they want us to make babies.” Hoping that’d be enough. Of course it wasn’t.

  “That’s good isn’t it, I heard you telling Susan you wanted to have babies someday, remember that day you guys were talking about how good a father Kris would be and how you hoped …”

  “That’s enough,” Claire gasped, her face turned from white to fire engine red in a about a third of a second as she reached out and held Ellen’s shoulder to stop her saying anything more,. “We’ll talk about this more later, OK,” Claire said, patting Ellen’s shoulder.

  “We want to choose who to make babies with,” Susan said. Ellen nodded her head, being able to choose was something she could get her hands around. “And the boy’s would have to work in the fields for the other men, and wouldn’t get to ever be free,” Susan continued. Ellen tried to take it all in and sat there quietly thinking about what she had been told.

  “The question is, do we run away and give up everything we’ve built here or do we stay and fight.” I didn’t say anything about people possibly getting hurt or even killed. Maybe I should have. I don’t know that it would have made a difference. I would be able to sleep better today though if I had.

  Schick/Shuck both stood up; their faces carved in anger and screamed “We fight,” at the exact same time, surprised at their own exuberance. Everyone else looked at them with silent despair. Wondering what this meant, what would happen. I could tell that fear was starting to set in. Ellen looked like she was going to cry, Jenny wasn’t far behind her.

  “It’s not that simple,” Claire said. “We need to think about it and discuss it more. Let’s talk about it tonight after dinner, up on the roof.” Several heads nodded, obviously relieved to put off any decisions. Even Schick/Shuck didn’t object.

  People started pushing away their chairs from the table and getting up to slowly leave the room. No one seemed in a hurry to go have fun. There was none of the usual banter back and forth and a heavy depression rode their shoulders as they left in ones and twos, all lost in their own thoughts.

  “Hold on,” Claire said, touching my arm and stopping me from returning to my room. She waited until everyone had left then turned to me “I didn’t know you were going to bring this up now, not with Ellen and Jenny there.” she whispered harshly looking at me like she wanted to brain me with a cooking pot, or stick me with her spear.

  “What do you mean? They’re a part of this … Group” I still had problems saying family. “They have as much right as anyone else to hear about this. Maybe more so in Ellen’s case,” I said.

  “No they don’t. They’re little girls. You shouldn’t scare them like that.

  “What do you think’s going to happen when Big Jake shows up. Because he’s coming. The Tinker told me he would, that tongue less guy told us. We can’t ignore it and hope it all goes away,” I said. Claire’s attitude surprised me. It wasn’t like her to avoid things. Maybe she was more upset about what Ellen said about me being a good father someday. The thought would be nice if we didn’t have this threat hanging over our heads.

  “Claire, what’s really bothering you?” I asked.

  She hesitated, looking down and said, “I don’t want us, this group,” I think she had problems saying family also. “To break up, each of us going our separate way. Hiding in holes and scared every time we step outside. It’s like you said, I want to live, not just survive. I want Ellen to grow up in a safe place where she doesn’t have to worry about being snatched off the street or mauled by wild dogs. Is that so much?” She covered her face with her hands and fought to hold back the tears then looked at me as if I had the answer.

  My god, I had no idea what to do, and I realized she expected me to figure something out. How did this happen, how did I get to a place where I was responsible for the lives of eight other people, Hell I shouldn’t even be responsible for my own, let alone eight others. All I’d wanted to do was to talk to some people, maybe head back to my mountains. I’d come up with the wild idea of joining together, of forming this group. That didn’t mean I had to be responsible for everything did it?

  My stomach hurt and I kept running my hands through my hair as I tried to think of something to say, something that would make these problems go away but nothing came to me. I reached out and pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. She held back at first eventually letting her body melt into mine; resting her head on my chest. I felt a sense of rightness with the world.

  I sighed onto the top of her head. Pulling back I stared into her beautiful blue eyes and said, “I’ll take care of it, I promise.” I didn’t have any idea what we’d do, and deep down I was afraid I wouldn’t come up with something. I couldn’t stand the idea of her looking hurt and lost like this.

  “Kristopher Robertson, don’t you try to placate me, I’m not a little girl. I know the facts. You told me what the Tinker said. We can’t win, they’re too strong. They have guns, we have bows and arrows. If we stay I lose my family, and home. If we leave I lose my home and eventually my family. And I don’t know of any way around those facts, do you?” Claire said with her hands on her hips and a little bit of the fire returning to her eyes.

  I wanted to yell back at her, ‘What do you want me to do’, but I didn’t. I don’t know how or why I held back. I do know that I am glad I did. Yelling at Claire would just make me feel like a jerk without really changing anything. Instead I took a couple of calming breaths and said. “I don’t know honey I really don’t. We’ll come up with something. I’ll talk to you tonight about it okay? I need to go take care of some things?” She nodded yes, and appeared resigned to the fact that we weren’t going to solve this any time soon.

  .o0o.

  The view from the cathedral’s bell tower hadn’t changed much, a green park surrounded by gray buildings. My life sure had changed I thought, shaking my head as I leaned against the corner wall. My left leg hung over the edge, swinging back and forth in time with my thoughts. I looked out across the park and peered into the distance where I saw nothing but abandoned civilization. A heavy weight hung around my neck as I thought about what I knew was coming.

  I looked at the spot where the dogs had killed that doe and thought about Mrs. Johnson dead by the side of the road. I thought about my father’s grave. I sat there all day, my mind lost in thought. No matter what, I couldn’t figure an easy way out. My stomach churned in fear and my head pounded as I thought about each member of our group and what could happen to them. I wondered about their interest in Ellen, trying to come up with some reason. Most of all, I tried to avoid thinking about Claire a
nd what it’d mean if she was taken, what they’d do to her.

  I twisted to look at our home, the green gardens blossoming and blooming everywhere, the shaded gazebo and barbeque pit, bridges every which way, I swear the boys made them just because they could. Even the chicken coop looked special. I did more sighing up there than I ever have in my whole life.

  It was starting to get dark when I climbed down off the ledge and made my way home. I was still lost in thought. A vague idea was starting to come together, a possibility of a partial solution. I ran up the stairs calling for Claire, or anyone else. They were all on the roof, sitting on benches and chairs eating off paper plates.

  “I saved you some food,” Claire said. I looked at her in surprise. The normal rule was that if you weren’t home by dinner, you missed out. Obviously the normal rules were being ignored. Good, I thought, we were going to have to change some things. A little flexibility about things would be good.

  Old fashioned Tiki torches were placed around the roof and seating area to provide some light and help keep the bugs away. The plate Claire handed me included vegetables from Margaret’s garden, some canned sardines, and homemade biscuits with honey for desert. I tried to gather my thoughts as I sat. All eyes were glued on me, waiting, each face drawn in anticipation and concern.

  “Before I say anything, does anyone have any ideas about what we should do,” I said, hoping for some kind of miracle. I looked at each member individually, making full eye contact and giving them the opportunity to speak but each person shock their heads no.

  When I got to Claire, she raised her eyes to mine and said, “I think we have all agreed to let you decide if we stay or leave, that whatever we do, it will be together, as a group.”